A Very Bossy Poem

4 Dec

Lucky Ducky

In the middle of the night, I was awakened by a poem forming in my mind.  It would not leave me alone.  So, in self-defense, I wrote it down.  It took several attempts at sleep to get all the stanzas onto paper.  Finally, it seemed that I was done.  But no, by that time I needed to eat something (I had a headache. One of the many warning signals I receive when my blood sugar is low).  Even then, rest did not come.  This poem is demanding to be read by many, and would not let me go until I had promised to put it on my blog.

So here it is.  Let me know what you think of it.

I…am going to take a nap.

 

Lucky Ducky

 

(1)

Rubber Ducky

You’re so lucky

You get to play

Every day

Morning and night

It’s just so right

You need but wait

Anticipate

A perfect fate

A simple state

(2)

Rubber Ducky

You’re so lucky

When you’re squeaky

When you’re squeezy

When you’re green

They’re not mean

When in glasses?

Loved by masses

A perfect fate

A simple state

(3)

Rubber Ducky

You’re so lucky

Blue or yellow

Bath time fellow

No color hate

No race debate

Innocent love

Blessed from above

A perfect fate

A simple state

(4)

Rubber Ducky

You’re so lucky

Short and chubby

Plump and stubby

Despite how you

View this issue

Still every day

With you they play

A perfect fate

A simple state

(5)

Rubber Ducky

You’re so lucky

Your smiling face

You know your place

In this big world

Purpose unfurled

Bring bathtub joy

To girl and boy

A perfect fate

A simple state

(6)

Rubber Ducky

You’re so lucky

It’s clear to see

Even by me

They love you now

They love you how

You were back then

You’re still a ten!

A perfect fate

A simple state

My questions:

What do you think?

If you have an editing suggestion please refer to

the stanza number and then the line number.

Example: In 5:7, I changed it to ‘Bring bathtub joy’,

instead of ‘You bring such joy’.

(Not certain about the change, though. Thoughts?)

Should I change the last two lines to:

A simple fate

A perfect state

I have been toying with an alternate title:

Unconditional Love

Would you change the stanzas around? 

If so, in what order would you arrange them?

Do you think this would be a good addition to my book

My Ignored Hamper and Other Bathroom Poetry?

.

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11 Responses to “A Very Bossy Poem”

  1. lonniedandrea December 4, 2012 at 4:56 pm #

    I like it the way it is, just trust your own judgement, it seems to have served you well so far.

    Like

    • rosedandrea December 4, 2012 at 8:35 pm #

      Thanks, Honey!
      (I’m allowed to call him honey. He’s my husband. 🙂 )

      Like

  2. Lucinda Sutherland December 4, 2012 at 5:59 pm #

    In the second stanza I would change lines seven and eight
    When in glasses? ….Loved by masses
    To: When in suds…. Lots of buds
    Or: Covered in bubbles… attraction doubles.

    Like

  3. ReGi McClain December 4, 2012 at 8:17 pm #

    That SHOULD go in your book. It’s simple but someone with real analytical tendencies (ahem, me) could get something pretty deep out of it, mostly having to do with race and body issues.

    Like

  4. Anna Fitch December 11, 2012 at 11:30 pm #

    I love it the way it is. Leave the glasses in there, since kids still have reservations when they first find out they need them. The title is a perfect fit, especially from the view of a kid who really doesn’t fit the accepted “normal” format. Besides, somebody called me “Lucky Duck” all through my sixth birthday party and I think the little label strikes just the right tone of “I wish I was as fortunate as you are” for the poem.
    Very sweet and slightly sad. Reminds me of a lot of childhood moments where I didn’t feel like I fit into any category and wanted to figure out a way to change myself to meet other people’s standards. Too many times, people (of all ages, colors, religions, etc.) are teased and threatened when the only problem in the situation is the mental and emotional health of the one starting the fight. Although, recently it has become the popular thing to claim that someone has a problem with you (for whatever reason you can make up) and blame them for your troubles. There’s a trend I don’t like. OK! Wandering topics! Time for sleep!

    Like

    • rosedandrea December 17, 2012 at 12:50 am #

      Thank you for your thoughts. And yes, that title has a special memory for me, too. 😉

      The strange thing is that I had not set out to make it a commentary on people’s reactions to physical differences, but rather those are the words that fell out of the ether and flowed through the pen.

      You are a Terry Pratchett fan, have you read any of his books with the character Leonard D’Quirm? This character is of the opinion that millions upon millions of ideas are sleeting through the universe all the time. Therefore, in his opinion, when an idea is born, it has, in reality, simply alighted upon a mind that is ready to receive the epiphany.

      Or, perhaps, mine was simply the pen that was chosen by the big guy upstairs to voice a thought that would help someone deal with being slightly different and therefore a target for someone elses insecurities.

      Either way, it’s nice that people are finding good things in it. 🙂

      Like

  5. rosedandrea July 27, 2013 at 11:19 pm #

    Reblogged this on Rose's Road and commented:

    Reblogging my self.
    It’s nice when you look back over your work several months later and it still looks good to you. It doesn’t always happen, but it’s really nice when you can re-read something of your own and not even slightly cringe.
    May all our projects turn out so well. 🙂

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Her Rest Room « Rose's Road - February 14, 2013

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