Archive | 12:55 am

One Day I Will Go From A Writing Zero To My Own Business Hero

1 Oct

Sans Peur

Means ‘Without Fear’.

It’s the motto of the Sutherland Clan.

They’re also the words that start bouncing from corner to corner of my computer screen when I leave it alone for too long.

Without Fear.

If only.


The strange thing is, I’m not afraid of failing. I have failed before, stalled out, made mistakes, blundered about in a couple new ventures only to have things fizzle out as I realize it’s not for me.

I’m not afraid of success, either. We have people and plans picked out for when we have money to spend, invest, and pay taxes on.

I think I am honest to goodness afraid of the in between. That strange patch of ground that stretches from dusting myself off from the last try, over to that big house with a lovely office decorated just the way I want it. That place where I have to actually jump off the diving board and into the unknown world of another beginning.

How many authors pause in the act of pushing the publish button for the first time?

How often do they have to have their husbands, sisters, or cats actually kick that anvil off the cliff? It’s just so hard when we fear that there’s somehow a rope tied from it to an ankle.

The impatience at yourself for playing with all those what-ifs.

The highs of “Could I be the next Mark Twain?”, and the lows of “No one is going to ever buy my stuff. I’ll have to write thirty books before my husband will be able to retire.”

(Is there such a thing as author bi-polar?)

Nothing in my life is so emotionally draining as the contemplation of all the blood, sweat and tears it is going to take to get this career off the ground.


Oh, well. That’s just me having a pity party.


One of these days I am going to have a few books on the market, have a little money coming in from them, and feel a bit silly when I think of all the stressing I did over this.

Until then, I think this may be my new theme song: