Archive | 1:00 am

Learning to be the Leading Lady in Your Own Life

6 Oct

(I honestly can’t tell if some of these words are inappropriate for little ears or not. Sorry.)

This is something that’s hard for me to do.  Camera shy me has a hard time stepping into the spotlight of my own life.

As a writer, as someone looking to sell bags by booking in-home parties, as someone who dreams of other out there careers down the road, this concept should be a no-brainer. But it’s not. It’s not uncommon for me to have to tell myself to be the leading lady in my life several times a week. Because, I’m not usually acting like the movie of my life is actually about me. I usually only think of myself as part of the supporting cast (on good days. Other days I feel more like a makeup person, or a grip. Sad, I know).

What can I do to make myself remember that I’m the one who’s name is at the top of the credits? How do I maintain the perception that I am in charge of my decisions, good and bad, and that nothing positive will come about in my life without me putting myself into this important role?

First off, I have to get rid of the idea that other people have a say in my choices. The only person who could possibly have an opinion that carried any weight with these kinds of decisions is my husband. I have yet to hear him say anything about me slowing down or toning down my dreams and ambitions. In fact, he’s usually pushing me harder than I push myself. He believes in me so wholeheartedly it’s mind-blowing some days, and to be honest, I wouldn’t have even started on these roads if not for his promptings and encouragement.

Secondly, I should stop with all the excuses. A book on Amazon is not static. You have more than one chance to get it right. If I screw it up, oh well. I’ll panic for about ninety minutes then get down to making it better. When it comes to other business opportunities I need to make the decision, then jump in with both feet. The whole point of me trying to make money is to afford babies. I’m not getting any younger. Stalling and hemming and hawing is only going to push back all these time tables and just delay all my dreams. No more waiting!

Third, and last, I need to find joy in this role. I was the heroine in a melodrama some years ago. I loved every minute of it. Why is it so difficult for me to once again embrace that excitement, that wondrous control over the audience? Put me on a stage (with enough footlights) and I can do anything: sing, dance, flirt, swoon, almost anything the script calls for (Just don’t ask me to cry. I totally can’t pull it off. *eye roll*). I want to enjoy being me. For the most part I do. It’s just when I’m confronted with something to do with moving myself forward that I have stage fright. Perhaps I need to create a gutsy writer persona. Huh. Something to think about.

Basically, I need to embrace the fear just long enough to hog tie it and throw it in the closet along with my first draft editor. This fear has a place. It makes sure I don’t jump without a parachute. Not only do I have a parachute, I have a backup chute and a jet pack. If anything I may be a little too well informed as a first time author. I know too many of the pitfalls, too many of the horror stories. It’s time to chuck it all behind me and go for it. Throw caution to the wind and set sail for my dream island. (It has WiFi, chocolate, and plenty of books. 🙂  )


Who’s with me?