Video

Would Tears Help?

29 Oct

I was in a decent mood until you said that. The perfect sentence to pierce through my shell, my armor, my stronghold.

Only you have that weapon. Only you have that power.

Five or six words, said in the wrong tone, on the wrong day, and I am a puddle of tears. Wondering why the sun stopped shining, why my heart hurts, why I can’t breathe.

The one who holds my heart, my love, my world, has said something just right to turn my world on it’s ear. West is now down, red is now blue.

How does one cope? How do you recover?

I realize those words were not intended to harm me, that this day, this part of the month, this time, is really the culprit. It still hurts.

My tactic is to avoid you, no eye contact, speak when spoken to. My hurt and confusion are in the way of thought and logic.

Tears? Would tears help? Would they release this pain? Would a wet pillow and a pile of crumpled tissues ease the tightness around my heart?

I don’t know, because this time I did not crumple… on the outside.

This time I used distraction, a change of scenery, a change of tasks to dissuade the oncoming deluge. Being honest, though, I think a release of tears would have eased this suffocation. Letting them flow, in secret. Letting it go, to leave me in peace. Instead, I tried to contain the pain. I thought I could control it. But it did nothing but color the rest of my evening with a mist of sad, sad blue.

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Even with all my over-active emotional life, I’m Still Into You.  🙂

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OblL026SvD4

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