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One Time Things – A Flash Fiction

1 Dec

“Brad, what’s gotten into you? I haven’t seen you order so much food since your 8th grade girlfriend turned out to be your second cousin.”

“Man, you would not believe the week I’ve had.”

“Try me.”

“Alright, I got a parking ticket on Monday.”

“I believe it. You’re terrible at remembering to put money in the meter.”

“Well, Tuesday my mother called and seemed to think I had come down with some sort of horrible disease. It took me an hour to convince her I wasn’t on my deathbed.”

“She always over-reacts, and you don’t call her enough.”

“You may shrug at that, but then on Wednesday my landlord came over and handed me a twenty-four hour notice of inspection. I had to hire someone to come in and clean the place that evening just so I wouldn’t get evicted.”

“Your place is a pig stye.”

“Ha. Not any more. What really stank was finding a contractor who would agree to work silently that night to fix the holes in the wall from when Becky moved out.”

“That one was your own fault. It’s one thing to break up with someone. It’s another to tell her in the very same breath that you’re already involved with her best friend.”

“We weren’t that involved.”

“She moved in the next week.”

“Well, yeah…”

“That’s not cool, man.”

“Whatever.”

“Uh-huh. What happened Thursday?”

“Oh. Thursday my boss calls me in and tells me he’s putting me on administrative leave ‘pending a review of my discretionary spending practices’.”

“Ouch. How long is that going to take?”

“He told me it might be in my best interest if I started brushing up my resume.”

“That’s harsh. Is there any way to appeal that?”

“Oh, it gets better. Friday morning I get a letter that says the city has begun garnishing my wages for all the parking tickets I have piled up. Then, oh yes, there’s more, then that afternoon my boss called to tell me they received a notice about the garnishment and they had decided that it’s not worth the hassle. I had to drive down that same day and pick up the box of my stuff.”

“They decided that awfully fast. What are you going to do?”

“What can I do? I’ve got to find another job A.S.A.P. or I’ll be out on the streets by the end of next month.”

“That’s all the savings you have?”

“I’ve always been more of a live in the moment kind of guy.”

“Yeeeah.”

“Hey, it’s worked so far.”

“Dude, you really have had a horrible week.”

“That’s not all of it.”

“That’s not…? Wow.”

“Nope. Friday night my girlfriend came home all kinds of angry because she’d found out about Dizzy.”

“Dizzy? You mean my sister? That Dizzy?”

“Calm down, man, it wasn’t anything serious.”

“Well, that’s where you’re wrong.”

“It’s not that important. Just a one time thing.”

“Oh. One time. As long as we’re talking about one time things, let’s talk about the one time I flagged down a meter maid on Monday. Or about the one time I called you mom on your phone and told her you had pneumonia. Then there was the one time I slipped an envelope under your landlord’s door with photos of your place and the only note was your apartment number scrawled on the back of every single one of them.  Of course, you should know about the one time I emailed your company thanking them for the lobster dinner you paid for with the company credit card last month. And I may or may not have one time texted a couple of photos from your phone to your girlfriend.

But those were just one time things.

The rest of it was just your own bad karma catching up with you.”

“You? You?!”

“I.  I have a heartbroken little sister, have had it up to here with your frat boy routine, am done helping you clean up your messes, and am moving across the country in the morning. Have fun paying for your half of the dinner check.”

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n70llulgU0Q

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2 Responses to “One Time Things – A Flash Fiction”

  1. Taylor Eaton December 1, 2013 at 2:33 pm #

    Nice work with only dialogue!! 🙂 Good, quick pace!

    Like

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