In Loving Memory of My Butt

3 Sep

When I met my husband I probably weighed 105 pounds soaking wet.

We have always been honest with each other, so it’s not surprising that not long after we were officially a couple he told me he was going to put some meat on my skinny little bones. He started cooking up his favorite recipes (did I mention he’s half Italian? Yum!), and I did research on what I should eat to gently put on some mass.

After about a year or so I was up another 20 pounds. I thought I was cute before? I felt freakin’ hot at 125. What surprised me was how easy it was to maintain. I didn’t go over, and once I got into the habit of eating more protein and a little more fat I didn’t slide back very often.

Then came the economic slip’n slide. His job was in housing. Mine was in mortgage loans. Let’s just say there was a lot of ouch before we were both unemployed. Not pretty.

So, I went from a busy little bee in an office to a couch potato as we sat around filling out every application we could lay our hands on. My weight crept on so slowly that before I realized it I was 150 pounds and had split the inner thigh of my much loved, second hand pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans. A very sad time for me. I worked hard to maintain a positive light on my body. The last thing I wanted was to become depressed over something that was reversable.

Now the goal was to healthily lose 25 pounds. P90X only made me sweat a lot (although the endorphin highs were a lot of fun), and walking wasn’t enough. Eventually life led me to find The 4-Hour Body. Following the slow carb diet laid out in that book my blood sugar leveled out so nicely that I rarely had a migraine. I soon realized that while I wasn’t losing weight, my flub was being replaced by some pretty amazing muscle. Without working out!

That’s when I implemented some of the author’s recommended exercises to help women put on muscle but still maintain that hour-glass figure. Since I hadn’t seen my actual waist in a while it was very hard to only do the moves twice a week.

My figure was improving, my blood sugar was wonderfully stable, I had just published my book of poetry… and I realized I was late for my period. Like, not normal late.

After a year of trying I was beginning to worry, but there it was, a second blue line that was even darker than the sample line. No maybes about that! Ironically I tested the morning after Mother’s Day. 🙂  I was officially 5 months pregnant on Labor Day, and should give birth some time after my 31st birthday in January. Sometimes it seems almost surreal.

Right now, anyway.

It felt horribly, kill-me-now real up until almost a month ago.

My round size 9 body met up with morning sickness, oral thrush and pretty serious food aversions (like, to almost all food). The oral thrush lasted about a month and a half, despite prescription medication. The morning sickness finally let up about 3 weeks ago. I haven’t vomited in about 4 weeks. Please, God, don’t let that come back.

At my last weigh in at the birthing center I was 132 (a month ago). I had lost 18 pounds in about 2 1/2 months on one of the most miserable crash diets imaginable. The things is, I hadn’t just lost fat. I know I have lost a lot of muscle mass as well.

Want to know how I know?

My butt.

Yes, my butt. I had quite a nice booty goin’ on back there. And it was all muscle.

Now, wooden benches and metal folding chairs are like torture devices.

I have a bony butt again.

Waah-haha! 😥

I am a twig again. I don’t even look pregnant. Five months along and I barely pook out.

I keep flashing back to that part in Mulan where the match maker circles her and says “Too skinny. Not good for bearing sons.”

There will be triumph! There must be. This can not continue. At this rate I will just be a little stick figure with a giant baby belly. Bed rest would be mandatory because eventually I would not have the ability to walk around! I probably wouldn’t even have the strength to give birth and be stuck with a mandatory c-section!!

*Breathes into a paper bag*

The light at the end of this tunnel? The fact that a few days ago I worked up the courage to steal a bite of my husband’s very creative scrambled eggs… and they tasted like eggs. They didn’t settle all that well, but still! 😀

Then I tried a spoon of some of clam chowder he was eating and that tasted right. Although it did have an unpleasant aftertaste.

But the most important thing of all? He made some taco flavored beef/pasta concoction the other night. It smelled good while he was cooking it. He asked if I wanted some. I cautiously said I would try a little. He brought me about half a cup. I ate it all!!! No unpleasant side effects, either. If I wasn’t already full of that and raw veggies I totally would have accepted his offer of seconds.

There is hope. 🙂

Now I just have to get my protein intake up to where I can start on a very mild muscle building work out twice a week. Pretty much what I was doing before the baby’s presence threw my life for a loop.

I very much look forward to having my booty back. 😉

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P.S. Don’t worry, the baby’s doing fine.

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2 Responses to “In Loving Memory of My Butt”

  1. lucindasutherland September 5, 2014 at 2:02 am #

    You will definitely need that muscle. Get on that soon. My grandkid deserves that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • rosedandrea September 7, 2014 at 10:19 pm #

      Since writing this post I have tested out a hamburger, a beef and broccoli cheddar mixture (2 nights in a row!), a chicken wrap, and scrambled eggs with veggies for breakfast this morning. All of them tasted alright and settled well. 🙂
      Tonight I tried some chicken by itself and had to stop at one bite. I’ll have to hide it in something. :/

      Like

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