Tag Archives: bathroom poetry

My Book is Live and I Think I’m Gonna Hypervenilate

5 Mar

Welcome to the official kick-off for my book launch!

(Seriously, does anyone have a paper bag I could breathe into?)

My first book, My Ignored Hamper and Other Bathroom Poetry, is now available on both Smashwords and Amazon Kindle at the price of $1.49.

My Ignored Hamper - Cover Photo - shrunk for social media

(Yeah, getting just a little bit dizzy here.)

But just for you I have a coupon for Smashwords. Here’s the code:  GS49E  Smashwords says the code isn’t case sensitive, so don’t stress over the shift key.

This is where the normal authors usually put an excerpt, and who am I to buck the trend?

Enjoy!  (places head between knees)

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My Ignored Hamper

The clothes they have shed?

On the floor looking dead

Ignoring the hamper

To the tub they do scamper

Their clothes in a heap

Into bubbles they leap

When they’re asleep

I’ll let my tea steep

It’ll take just a minute

To put the clothes in it

But for now I’ll enjoy

My two little boys

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Sleep-over Blues

With music up loud

‘Round the mirror they crowd

“That look is a winner”

“I wish I were thinner”

“There’s this really cute boy”

“He treats girls like they’re toys”

It’s Saturday night

They share the spotlight

In their fifth outfit

And wouldn’t you know it

The bathroom is crowded

“It’s here!” someone shouted

The pizza devoured

They’re now soda powered

Six girls in a bathroom

All trying out perfume

“Should we pop in a movie?”

“Let’s make-over Suzie!”

And so it continues

Dad’s sleep-over blues

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There you have it. My long awaited book of bathroom poetry has hit ebook shelves and eagerly awaits your eyes. You are more than welcome (encouraged even) to tell me your thoughts. (Please just remember to coat them in a little sugar first, huh?)

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Fellow Authors, what was it like for you the first time you published something?

Also, what did you do to celebrate?

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(I think it’s time for a lie down. Just too excited for my own good.  ;D  )

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I Think Something Is Conspiring Against Me Publishing

24 Sep

The last time I thought I was ready to publish I caught a flu that kept me in bed for ten days, and in the house for almost three weeks.

This time, I have chosen the photo I want for my cover (way better than last time, though, so that’s a plus), and have taken a couple steps toward getting it taken and uploaded to Amazon’s cover creator.

Guess what happened this time?

The pump for our well died.

Yup, we currently have no running water… and I’m a slightly OCD germaphobe.

Let that sink in for a minute.

(We are taking steps to fix it, but it’s like a conspiracy to have to visit every dang hardware store in the region buying one or two things from each. grrr)

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The good thing is that the place I have found the perfect bathroom is actually at my parent’s house. So I may kill two birds with one stone and go take a shower, rearrange their bathroom to take my photos, then clean up after myself.

Ta-da!

Talk about looking on the bright side. (it’s taking some work, so don’t squash it)

I named the book My Ignored Hamper and other Bathroom Poetry after doing a little research about Google searches (brain melting), and also after one of my favorite poems in this collection. So along with my parent’s bathroom, I will be borrowing some little boy clothes and bath toys from a relative and making the room look like a couple little kids just got done taking a bath.

Hence the having to clean up after myself. lol

In many ways I think it’s good that I have not published yet. It has taken a long time for me to feel that I kind of have my feet under me (hey, I said kind of) with this author/publisher/advertiser/business owner thing. There is still tons of stuff still to learn, but to a reasonable extent, I think I am ready to have a book out there.

Now it’s just the technicalities of figuring out those last hurdles — putting links in the back matter, and then actually uploading. *Gulp*

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On another note, I am thinking of cutting my blogging days to three or four days a week. I’m still hashing out which days I would want to publish what, so it’s not like I’m changing anything now. This is just a heads up.

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On a third note:

You guys have been great. Seriously. This path toward authorship is a tough one, and you have all taken turns to cheer me up and cheer me on. And I just wanted to take a moment to say Thank You for that. It means a lot to me.  🙂

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A cool photo editing accident from way back.

A cool photo editing accident from way back.

My Friday Night Exercise

21 Sep

*Pant, pant, gasp*

We just got home from the Senior Center dance.

Where’s my water bottle?

My feet hurt, my right calf is about half a step away from cramping, and I couldn’t be happier.

Tonight was the drummer’s birthday. His birthday request was that the cover charge be waived. So tonight’s outing was free. There was the usual pot-luck fare at the 8:30 intermission, plus a big, chocolate birthday cake. (I was a good girl and only stole one bite from Lonnie’s piece.)

The treasurer has just had a minor foot surgery so she couldn’t really get out and dance much (although she did manage a subdued twist). She asked a few of the ladies to take her place and keep her husband on the dance floor. I’d only danced with him a couple of times before. I think he does a country version of a waltz, which I’m not used to, but he leads so well I had no problem following.

So not only am I learning the two-step, but now I am fascinated with this new kind of waltz.

Next week is a western night. They have a special fiddle player coming in from a couple towns over.

This should be interesting, since I don’t own any cowboy boots, or a fluffy, puffy skirt. Although a sister did give me a shirt a few weeks ago which should work. And my black knee high boots should substitute…sort of. I have a denim skirt, but it’s a little too narrow for wearing to a dance.

I do have a pair of jeans that make my butt look awesome, sooo… yeah.  🙂

*Gasp!* And I have a big belt buckle with roses on it!

Yay! Thanks for listening, y’all. I’ve figured out what I’m going to wear.  😀

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Something interesting happened this evening. I answered honestly when a couple people asked me what I had been doing recently. I straight up told them that I have been working on getting a book of bathroom poetry published on Amazon. Seriously, I thought it was just going to be glossed over with a “oh, how nice for you”. Nope. As far as I can tell I’m going to have to take a box of books to autograph for several people at the Senior Center as soon as I can get things worked around to getting that thing on the print-on-demand option. I was also told that they wouldn’t want them as gifts. They want to pay for their copies!

Mind Blown

So that was an ego boost.  🙂

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Alright. I’ve had time for the muscles in my legs to quit twitching from the torture. It’s time to take these tired tootsies to bed.

I hope you guys all have amazing weekends! I’m sure as heck am going to figure out a way to have some more fun.  😀

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I Am Officially A Lazy Bum

6 Jun

Today at the pool party, a friend of mine asked me how the book project was going. I didn’t know which book she was referring to, and she said, “You said something about toilets?”

“Oh, yeah. My bathroom poetry.”

She nodded.

“Well, the poems are all done. I just have to do the cover, and the front and back matter.”

She was nodding along, all supportive, then dropped the gut wrencher. “How long would that take you, about eight hours?”

I felt like a real heal when I had to nod and say, “Yes… it…it could be done in eight hours…”  O.o

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So now the question is: What has been keeping me from this ‘about eight hours’ worth of work? Is it fear, laziness, procrastination?

What?!

This is uncool. I don’t like feeling as thought I have let myself down.

So, now what? My schedule is a little wonky for the next couple days, but could I get this all put together by the end of the week?

Wow. Just typing that last sentence made my stomach knot. I guess it is fear. Of what? What am I so afraid of that I would put a perfectly good book project on hold for months. *sighs and shakes head*

I don’t know.

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