Tag Archives: fear

A Kick in the Pants

30 Nov

There’s this old saying that goes something like “Even a kick in the pants is a step forward”, and it’s true. That stumbling step you take after something less than gently bumps you from behind is still forward motion.

Let us hope that this forward motion creates some kinetic energy in my projects, because I need to keep moving. Need to. No more excuses.

I know that I have had this kind of a pep talk with myself before, but never have I had the kind of deadline as I do now.

A child.

My first child is due some time after the middle of January, and I must have certain projects rolling and producing before her arrival. No more pity parties. No more procrastinating. There is no more time.

It must be possible to create something that produces a decent amount of income in the next few weeks.

So here’s a loose game plan. Today: Strategic Planning. Tomorrow: Implementation. We have been talking of and planning for several things for quite a while. It’s time to turn the ignition switch and put a couple of these in gear.

Let’s go!

*        *        *

Who kicked me in the pants?

K. L. Schwengel


Bob Mayer


Thanks you two. If I can’t get things pulled together and marching onward it’s not for your lack of motivational-ness. 🙂


*        *        *

How about you, my reader? Have you been throwing yourself a pity party, stupid paper hat and all? Have you recently pulled on your work boots and trudged through your pile of excuses headed toward victory? Or have you finally triumphed over your seemingly endless diatribe of inner excuses to reach the top of your hill, uh, goal?

Please share. I’m dying to know. 🙂


And finally:

Dear Excuses,

I regret to inform you that your presence is no longer required.


– Rose D’Andrea





Excitement and Fear

4 Dec



Please take me away

Away from here

I’ve been thinking too hard

To the point of tears

It’s all so exciting

And overwhelming and scary

I wonder if I can do it

To pull it off

Make it work

The road is not clear

The path is not set

No sheet of instructions

No list of to do’s

When I am not elated

I feel like I’m drowning

In over my head

So eager to fly

But wanting a net

These feelings are so contrary

They are opposites

Yet merry bedfellows

The one is rarely without the other

Excitement and fear

Today was fear

Tomorrow, who knows?



Learning to be the Leading Lady in Your Own Life

6 Oct


(I honestly can’t tell if some of these words are inappropriate for little ears or not. Sorry.)

This is something that’s hard for me to do.  Camera shy me has a hard time stepping into the spotlight of my own life.

As a writer, as someone looking to sell bags by booking in-home parties, as someone who dreams of other out there careers down the road, this concept should be a no-brainer. But it’s not. It’s not uncommon for me to have to tell myself to be the leading lady in my life several times a week. Because, I’m not usually acting like the movie of my life is actually about me. I usually only think of myself as part of the supporting cast (on good days. Other days I feel more like a makeup person, or a grip. Sad, I know).

What can I do to make myself remember that I’m the one who’s name is at the top of the credits? How do I maintain the perception that I am in charge of my decisions, good and bad, and that nothing positive will come about in my life without me putting myself into this important role?

First off, I have to get rid of the idea that other people have a say in my choices. The only person who could possibly have an opinion that carried any weight with these kinds of decisions is my husband. I have yet to hear him say anything about me slowing down or toning down my dreams and ambitions. In fact, he’s usually pushing me harder than I push myself. He believes in me so wholeheartedly it’s mind-blowing some days, and to be honest, I wouldn’t have even started on these roads if not for his promptings and encouragement.

Secondly, I should stop with all the excuses. A book on Amazon is not static. You have more than one chance to get it right. If I screw it up, oh well. I’ll panic for about ninety minutes then get down to making it better. When it comes to other business opportunities I need to make the decision, then jump in with both feet. The whole point of me trying to make money is to afford babies. I’m not getting any younger. Stalling and hemming and hawing is only going to push back all these time tables and just delay all my dreams. No more waiting!

Third, and last, I need to find joy in this role. I was the heroine in a melodrama some years ago. I loved every minute of it. Why is it so difficult for me to once again embrace that excitement, that wondrous control over the audience? Put me on a stage (with enough footlights) and I can do anything: sing, dance, flirt, swoon, almost anything the script calls for (Just don’t ask me to cry. I totally can’t pull it off. *eye roll*). I want to enjoy being me. For the most part I do. It’s just when I’m confronted with something to do with moving myself forward that I have stage fright. Perhaps I need to create a gutsy writer persona. Huh. Something to think about.

Basically, I need to embrace the fear just long enough to hog tie it and throw it in the closet along with my first draft editor. This fear has a place. It makes sure I don’t jump without a parachute. Not only do I have a parachute, I have a backup chute and a jet pack. If anything I may be a little too well informed as a first time author. I know too many of the pitfalls, too many of the horror stories. It’s time to chuck it all behind me and go for it. Throw caution to the wind and set sail for my dream island. (It has WiFi, chocolate, and plenty of books. 🙂  )


Who’s with me?



One Day I Will Go From A Writing Zero To My Own Business Hero

1 Oct

Sans Peur

Means ‘Without Fear’.

It’s the motto of the Sutherland Clan.

They’re also the words that start bouncing from corner to corner of my computer screen when I leave it alone for too long.

Without Fear.

If only.


The strange thing is, I’m not afraid of failing. I have failed before, stalled out, made mistakes, blundered about in a couple new ventures only to have things fizzle out as I realize it’s not for me.

I’m not afraid of success, either. We have people and plans picked out for when we have money to spend, invest, and pay taxes on.

I think I am honest to goodness afraid of the in between. That strange patch of ground that stretches from dusting myself off from the last try, over to that big house with a lovely office decorated just the way I want it. That place where I have to actually jump off the diving board and into the unknown world of another beginning.

How many authors pause in the act of pushing the publish button for the first time?

How often do they have to have their husbands, sisters, or cats actually kick that anvil off the cliff? It’s just so hard when we fear that there’s somehow a rope tied from it to an ankle.

The impatience at yourself for playing with all those what-ifs.

The highs of “Could I be the next Mark Twain?”, and the lows of “No one is going to ever buy my stuff. I’ll have to write thirty books before my husband will be able to retire.”

(Is there such a thing as author bi-polar?)

Nothing in my life is so emotionally draining as the contemplation of all the blood, sweat and tears it is going to take to get this career off the ground.


Oh, well. That’s just me having a pity party.


One of these days I am going to have a few books on the market, have a little money coming in from them, and feel a bit silly when I think of all the stressing I did over this.

Until then, I think this may be my new theme song:




Wishin’ and Hopin’: A Writer’s Holding Pattern

11 Sep

I have had this song in my head since I woke up.


What’s interesting is that it seems to be my subconscious telling me that imagining wonderful sales numbers is not the same as getting things finished and actually seeing real sales numbers.


How many of us creative types do this?

We create these grand schemes in our head, follow them all the way to multinational best selling author status, but neglect to spend that hour a day actually writing. We feel safe in our imaginary world. No one is telling us we’ve used too many commas. No one critiques our work on sales sites where hundreds of people can see it. Our hopes and dreams are safe, inside our minds.

Actually getting that thing (book, invention, theory) out there would mean finishing. Finishing means having someone else see it. Having someone else see it means possible rejection. And who wants that.

Then there are the what-ifs.

What if it doesn’t sell well?

What if it isn’t good enough?

What if I’m not good enough?

What if all that time and effort was for nothing?


The more practical side of your mind is probably screaming at you most of the day. Pointing at your unfinished projects. Telling you that if you don’t finish the dratted thing then you’ll never make any money at it. If you don’t try, then you have already failed. Imaginary money doesn’t buy groceries or pay the electric bill.

You have set goals; decided on rewards for accomplishments; tried to beg and plead the creative side of yourself to get things wrapped up. Charts have been created. Schedules have been written out. Nothing has worked. All self-imposed deadlines have passed at the speed of sound and the blur of shredded self confidence as it flew by.

What are the reasons for this hesitation?

You are so close!

Why can’t you finish?


I don’t know.

If I knew I would be making money from this thing they call writing.

If I knew I would probably have all these outlines filled out and for sale on Amazon, making money from 6 romances, a couple sci-fi’s, and 3 children’s series.

Yeah. It’s all waiting. The ideas are there. The follow through is not.

What is wrong with me?


Are you stuck in this writer’s holding pattern? Circling the thing that you both love and dread?

How are you dealing with it?


Have you found a way to get out this cycle? What worked for you?

Please, if you have discovered a way to get passed this stage, share it. That tip might be the one thing one of us starving artists needs to hear.


I Am Officially A Lazy Bum

6 Jun

Today at the pool party, a friend of mine asked me how the book project was going. I didn’t know which book she was referring to, and she said, “You said something about toilets?”

“Oh, yeah. My bathroom poetry.”

She nodded.

“Well, the poems are all done. I just have to do the cover, and the front and back matter.”

She was nodding along, all supportive, then dropped the gut wrencher. “How long would that take you, about eight hours?”

I felt like a real heal when I had to nod and say, “Yes… it…it could be done in eight hours…”  O.o

*        *        *

So now the question is: What has been keeping me from this ‘about eight hours’ worth of work? Is it fear, laziness, procrastination?


This is uncool. I don’t like feeling as thought I have let myself down.

So, now what? My schedule is a little wonky for the next couple days, but could I get this all put together by the end of the week?

Wow. Just typing that last sentence made my stomach knot. I guess it is fear. Of what? What am I so afraid of that I would put a perfectly good book project on hold for months. *sighs and shakes head*

I don’t know.