Tag Archives: flash fiction

My Insanity Keeps Me Sane – A Flash Fiction

7 Mar

I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.

Day in and day out, it’s all the same. Except it’s not.

Everything is different while it stays the same.

I don’t know how to describe it.

Details change from day to day. Lunch is tuna instead of peanut butter. The cat threw up today instead of the dog having diarrhea yesterday.

The same dishes are dirty. The same socks didn’t quite make it into the hamper. The dryer still doesn’t shut off by itself.

I need a vacation. Of course we can’t afford one. Never could. Probably never will.

Except…

I have these ideas, these stories, in my head. These thoughts that aren’t completely mine.

Hear me out before you call the funny farm.

I have people living entire lives inside my mind. It’s not like they control anything about my life. But in some ways, it’s like they keep me… sane.

Because I have these other lives, stories, playing out in my imagination I can get through the monotony of my existence. While I’m folding laundry, I’m deciding whether they live in the city or the country, what state, what kind of house. When it’s time to scrub the tile grout, I’m weighing how much chocolate cheesecake the leading lady should consume before coming to the conclusion that her father-in-law has to die. In my imagination I turn my every day life into a wonderful cacophony of tears and drama, fear and loathing, triumph and success. The leading lady always wins.

And who knows. Maybe one day I’ll write all this crazy down and make a million dollars.

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Yeah, right. Like anyone would want to read it.

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*           *            *

I love writing those.

Here’s a fun video I found that vaguely corresponds to the theme of my story.  😉

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Have you noticed yet? Did ya, did ya?

I have a new page on this website. Made it yesterday afternoon.

Up there, on the far right…

Maybe I’ll make it easy on you and just stick a link right here.

But before you click it, I want to tell you about it!

It’s all about my new, first, and only finished (at this point) book!

My Ignored Hamper and other Bathroom Poetry

Yay!

I’m not going to beg you to buy it.

Much.  (lol)

Go ahead. You know you’re curious what the new page looks like. Take a peek.

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Just remember to come back tomorrow for more poetry.

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Have a Great Weekend!

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Who Doesn’t Like Cookie Dough?

1 Mar

“Are you telling me that you have never made cookies from scratch?”

“Never.”

“Wow. Does that also mean that you’ve never had cookie dough?”

“Does cookie dough ice cream count?”

“Uh, no. Not hardly.”

“Then that would also be a no.”

“Well, that just can not stand. It’s just not American. We’ll make up a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough and fix this atrocity.”

“I hear you’re not supposed to ’cause of the eggs and stuff.”

“Yeah. That’s why you leave out the eggs and leavening when you’re just going to attack it with a spoon. I’ve done it a hundred times. Uh, with female friends and relatives. Because I would be a total pig if I’d eaten an entire batch my myself. *ahem* C’mon, I’ll show you.”

“If you’re sure.”

“This is really good.”

“You know I’m always right.”

“What about that time you said the cat wouldn’t…”

“Shut up.”

“Always means always.”

“You’re such a dweeb. Eat your cookie dough and be happy I shared my chocolate chip stash with you.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Don’t call me ma’am. I’m not that old.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.”

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Carpooling to Girls Night – A Flash Fiction

21 Feb

See my boys out there? Aden is five and Alex is three. Alex just finished a growth spurt, that’s why he’s almost as tall as his brother.

Huh? Yeah, they’re coated in mud. Don’t worry, that’s why we turned the mud room into a bathroom. I can bring them inside through the other back door and just pop them in the tub.

Ha ha, no, they hate baths. You’ll get to hear the screams of protest. Kelly from next door says that if the wind is right she can hear them howling. Thankfully her kids have been out of the house for a few years, so she’s back to thinking it’s cute. Then just as you think they’re going to tear the room apart in an effort to get out, they get distracted by the toys and bubbles. After that happens it’s a ten minute battle to get them back out of the bath tub.

Nope, it’s our nightly ritual, even when Evan is home to do it. Just as well, though. After a full day playing and learning, a life and death struggle in the bathroom is just what they need to finish off their energy. When that’s done it’s their bedtime snack, a story and in to bed they go. He says in some ways he’s glad he’s a fireman, that way he has just enough time away on the two on, one off schedule to start missing the chaos before coming home again.

After that we’re golden. The sitter should arrive just as they get out of the tub, and then we can get out of here and head off to girls night. Ain’t carpooling fun?

Her name’s Krystal. The kids love her. If they are true to their usual routine they’ll actually want her to read the bedtime story. She’s great.

I’ll only give you her number on one condition: I’m the one who gets her on girls night.

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Husband Shopping — A Flash Fiction

7 Feb

“Ooh, he’s good looking. How ’bout him?”

“Looks aren’t everything, you know.”

“Since when?”

“Since that last guy you suggested turned into a snore fest of workout tips and poses.”

“David is hot!”

“David is boring. When I asked him what kinds of books he liked he told me anything to do with body building. He didn’t even know the last time he had read a book with a ‘story’ in it.”

“So… you don’t want a hot guy?”

“Uugh. I want someone who looks good, has a life, and who can carry on an actual conversation. I have no intention of looking for a husband by comparing biceps and sports cars. The man I want has some education, a good job, treats his mother right, has a favorite author…”

“Oh! You want a nerd! … What? No?”

“You’re no help.”

“What?”

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This one made me giggle.  🙂

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkfQ18U2bRA

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Over The Shoulder Wizard – Flash Fiction

1 Feb

“What are you doing?”

“Watching you play.”

“Uh, why?”

“‘Cause it’s interesting.”

“Why don’t you get your own account and build your own character and play your own game?”

“Nah. It’s too complicated for me.”

“Then why have you been telling me what to do through this entire duel?”

“…Uh…”

“Thanks. Buh-bye.”

“Well that’s not very mumble mumble…

“Ah, silence.”

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*            *            *

Backseat drivers, unwanted advice givers, and over the shoulder game players are annoying. No matter what the situation. It’s one thing to be interested in what someone is doing, and another to interfere with their thought process. You don’t know the whole situation. You don’t have the self-control to allow them to do things on their own.

grrr!

Sorry, but there’s only so much of this a girl can take before blowing a gasket somewhere. That somewhere is apparently here. Which really shows how much I trust y’all.  🙂 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNzXir6an2M

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On another note, I had a wonderful afternoon out with one of my aunts. We went to lunch, did some shopping in second hand stores (where she bought a stack of books…seems to run in the family. lol), and then spent some time making my grandma laugh.

All in all a very good afternoon.

The evening was spent at a sister’s house at our Encourage Meant meeting. The first one since before Christmas. Only half the members could attend. *Boo*  Oh, well. We still had a good time and talked about how we had moved forward on our individual goals and even talked for a few moments about one that a couple of us are working on together.

Much fun and laughter was had by all.

Here’s hoping Friday is as productive and jolly.  🙂 

 

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Dressing Room Diva – A Flash Fiction

24 Jan

“I can’t look.”

“Why not? It’s fabulous!”

“I can’t.”

“Stop covering your eyes and look in the darn mirror already.”

“Okay…  What the…!  How did that happen?”

“I told you.”

“Look at me! I’m hot!”

“See what the right clothes can do? Do you want to try on the next outfit we found?”

“No, I want to run around the store screaming ‘Look at me!’ Help me out of this jacket. If I look this good in California casual I want to see what that little red dress does.”

*            *            *

The next time I have a little spending money I fully plan on marching myself down to one of the local second hand stores and taking another look at their business wear. It was very tempting to try on those couple pairs of pinstriped slacks, but I knew that if they fit there would be a war between a sturdy, good looking, wear almost anywhere pair of jeans and a pair of black and grey slacks that would have limited wearing opportunities (can’t exactly help instal a bathroom sink in pretty black slacks).

Let’s just put it this way. I needed a new pair of jeans. I want a closet full of make-my-butt-look-awesome business wear. Soon enough there will be a call (and budget) for slacks and business jackets, but not right at the moment. As in most things in life: priorities.

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Now I’m really missing that show What Not To Wear.

I wonder if it’s on Hulu?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arFw0ocHHiU

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Second Hand Size Tens – A Flash Fiction

17 Jan

“Manda? Why are you handing me size ten Levi’s?”

“You said you lost ‘about’ ten pounds, right? Maybe less, maybe more. Just give them a try.”

“Okay, but don’t be surprised if you hear sobbing coming from the fitting room.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. I’ll keep trying to find a couple more pairs of jeans that aren’t straight from the ’70’s.”

“Thanks.”

* * *

“Vanessa? Are you still alive? I found a cute pair of twelves.”

“You have got to see this. Just let me get the door.

… Look! Look! They fit! See? Look at my butt!”

“I could see it better if you weren’t jumping up and down.”

“Look!”

“I see. They look awesome on you! I guess we won’t need these twelves, then, huh?”

“I’m a size ten! I’m so happy I don’t know if I should laugh or cry.”

“Neither. We’re going to celebrate. How do grilled chicken salads at Chico’s sound?”

“Ooh, Chico’s.”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds like a party.”

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6PhX0tHmfU

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*            *            *

I love writing these. It’s just so much fun sitting down with no idea what I’m going to write, besides a general idea behind the collection I’m working toward creating. This one, as well as last Friday’s flash fiction are going to be in a book of stories and poetry I’m slowly working on.

The plan is to release this book a few months after I get My Ignored Hamper and other Bathroom Poetry launched. Guess that means I’d better get to real work on both of those projects, huh?  😉 

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On that same note, if you are interested in helping me launch

my little book of poetry, please (please, please) contact me.

I’m hoping to have a launch date in the middle of February.

You can get hold of me here in the comments,

on Twitter @Rose_DAndrea,

or on Facebook at Rose’s Road To Riches

Thanks!  🙂

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Cheat Day Life Guards – A Flash Fiction

10 Jan

“I want a chocolate milkshake so bad it almost hurts.”

“Try not to think about it, Gwen. Concentrate on the walk.”

“It’s not thinking, it’s craving. Dreaming.”

“You’re doing great on your diet. The weight is starting to come off. You’ll be at your ideal weight in no time.”

“Let’s be realistic, Carol, it’s going to take months. This initial weight loss is wonderful and all, but it’s going to taper off here soon. That’s when the real work comes in.”

“Don’t think about it.”

“Yeah, concentrate on the now. Feel the burn.”

“Exactly.”

“I’d rather feel my fingers getting frost bite on one of those giant oblong bowls they put banana splits in.”

“You’re killing me, Gwen. I’m even off bananas.”

“No bananas? Where do you get your potassium?”

“Kiwi. Lower on the glycemic index.”

“Huh. So one of those frozen peanut butter, banana mochas from Jolts is very much out of the question.”

“I would just about kill my dietitian for one of those.”

“Is that who put you on kiwi?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Cruel and unusual, Carol. Cruel and unusual.”

“Feels that way, but my pants are starting to fit better, so I’m kinda, almost okay with it. Almost.”

“Do you get a cheat day?”

“Not for another two weeks. She says it’s best to go cold turkey, then introduce small treats after I’ve seen the first few results. Something about not wanting to over-indulge and screw it up.”

“Two weeks. Are you going to have a maximum calorie ceiling, or just follow your mouth?”

“Uh, I think she just said something like…’Let your stomach and your conscience both talk about it before you indulge.'”

“Seriously?”

“Yup. Could we slow down a little? I think I’m gonna hurl.”

“Please don’t. I’m kind of a sympathetic vomiter.”

“I’ll be alright in a minute. I just need to let my heart rate slow down a little. Is it trying to rain?”

“It would seem that way.”

“Crap.”

“Sooo, in two weeks, you wanna share a banana split with me?”

“I think there was bird poop on that guard rail. Is it on my butt now?”

“Hold still. Uh, no. You’re fine.”

“Phew. That would have been gross. What about a banana split?”

“Do you want to split one with me in two weeks?”

“You mean like a cheat day support group kinda thing?”

“Sure, if that’s what you want to call it.”

“Well, sharing it would be a lot better than us buying quarts of double fudge brownie ice cream and eating them in the closet.”

“If that’s how you sell it to your dietitian then go for it.”

“We share the dessert, and we can be like cheat day life guards for each other.”

“Yup.”

“That’s a great idea! So, like, the first Saturday of next month will be my first cheat day. Are you available that evening?”

“If ice cream and chocolate are involved I’m always available.”

“Then it’s a cheat day date.”

“Great!”

“We’d better finish this walk before it really starts raining on us.”

“Yeah, there’s nothing worse than being cold, sugar deprived, and soaked.”

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQQvanCpC3Q

Too funny not to use for a second time on here.  😀 

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Video

Christmas Shopping With A Five Year Old – A Flash Fiction

20 Dec

“I told you no.”

“But mommm…”

“Don’t but mom me. We are shopping for Christmas presents for other people, not you. If you keep this up you’re going to lose pizza on the way home. Is that what you want?”

“No! I want pizza.”

“Then stop begging for things, and help me pick something out for your teacher.”

“Something for Mrs. Benson?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because, Charlie, it’s traditional. Now, what do you think she would like? We could get her a pretty scarf, or some earrings, or maybe a gift certificate for a coffee shop.”

“She doesn’t drink coffee.”

“She doesn’t? What does she like to drink?”

“Hot chocolate. Today she had a biiig hot chocolate with a candy cane sticking out of it!”

“Did she get it from a store or make it herself? You’re shrugging. Um, did she throw away her cup when it was empty?”

“Yeah.”

“What did it look like?”

“It was white.”

“Oh boy. Uh, did it have a brown paper thing around the middle?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah. Okay, did it have a drawing on it? Words?”

“Ummm…”

“I can see the gears turning. Can you remember?”

“It…had a green lady on it.”

“Yes! I know where she got it. We’ll get her a gift card for that place.”

“Okay. Hey, do we have to get presents for all the kids, too?”

“We can if you want.”

“Nn…Yes!”

“Nn-yes, huh? What should we get them?”

“Tonka Toys!”

“How ’bout something smaller?”

“Legos?”

“I meant something less expensive.”

“We could just get a present for one of them.”

“Just one? Which one, Charlie?”

“Becky.”

“The Becky who pushed you off the swings last week?”

“She didn’t mean to! She just wanted…”

“Yeah, I know how that goes. What do you think Becky would like?”

“She wants a koala.”

“This is going to be a more interesting shopping trip than I’d thought.”

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TiW9yI0YOA

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There’s A Special Island For You – Flash Fiction

14 Dec

“Hey, Mike. How’s the world been treatin’ you this week?”

“It’s been alright. It would be better if my neck would quit seizing up on me.”

“That’s still bothering you? Didn’t the chiropractor say it was tension from sleeping wrong? He even gave you that pillow full of…”

“Well, it worked for a while, but it came back a couple days ago. The pain has kind of migrated a little further down my back, though. You wouldn’t believe how…”

“Yes, I have had some serious pains in the neck in my life. Careful, the signal says ‘Don’t Walk’. How about this beautiful weather we’ve been having. It’s just glorious. I took the family for a picnic over the weekend. Brought the dogs along. The kids loved pitching those balls as far as they could throw them. It’s surprising how long it takes to wear down those terriers. Did you do anything fun this weekend?”

“No. The wife had a honey-do-list as long as my leg. Didn’t even get half of it done. *sigh* Then she drug me out to see the latest Ridger flick.”

“That’s a great movie.”

“It would have been great, except for the teenagers three rows behind us. Kept talking and giggling. I couldn’t concentrate.”

“You have to admit, there’s never that much plot in a Ridger movie. Mostly guns, bad guys, bombs, then him walking out of the rubble with the latest hottie.  Wow, this light is sure taking it’s time.”

“It’s rigged. Did you see that thing in the news that they’ve bombed another…”

“Yeah. Awful. Glad they got the guy this time. Oh, I forgot to tell you, I got the notice about my promotion a few days ago! Move into the new office next Monday.”

“Really. That figures.”

“What figures? I worked my butt off for this position.”

“Yeah. Years. Now they see things not going quite right and want to stick you in to be the fall guy. It’s just a shame that you were there to step into their plans.”

“Ookay. Not quite the way I see it, but…”

“You will soon enough.”

“Yeah, just a sec, I need to make a quick call.”

“Take your time. I’m just standing here waiting to cross the street; aging with every breath.”

“Uh-huh. …  Hey, Bruce, I found another one. … Yeah, persistent. … On the corner of Brooks and Main. … Thanks.”

“What was that about?”

“Nothing much. Just a hotline for when I get into this sort of situation.”

“They have a hotline for slow traffic lights? What’s the number?”

“Eh, not exactly. You see, there’s this company that’s running a series of studies on… Oh, here they come.”

“Wow, prompt.”

“Yup.”

“I could do without all the sirens, and the screeching tires.”

“I love them. You can’t miss ’em. … Hi!”

“Were you the gentleman who called about the ‘situation’?”

“I sure am. Right here.”

“Bill, why are you pointing at me?”

“You’re the situation.”

“How can I be ‘the situation’, I’m a person, I…”

“Sir, have you been engaged in a long boring conversation in which you actively attempted to make the other person as miserable as yourself?”

“Whaaa? I don’t see how stating…”

“Have you or have you not had repeated, depressing conversations with anyone who would listen?”

“Now wait just a cotton pickin’ min…”

“And finally, sir, when is the last time something good happened in your life?”

“Huh?”

“We need your answer now, sir.”

“It’s kind of hard to talk with people in blast shields and body armor who just poured out of a black van. You do realize that your front right tire is on the curb, right?”

“I see. Then your answer is that you can’t remember at the moment?”

“How can that be taken as…?”

“Thank you for notifying us, Bill. We’ll take it from here.”

“Not a problem, Ma’am.  So long, Mike. You’re going to love it there.”

“Hey! Put me down! NO! You CAN’T do this!”

“You see, they can, Mike. There’s a special island for people like you. A place where they quarantine infectious gloom. You don’t have actual depression, you’re more of a carrier. I’ve tried for years to get a positive word to come out of your mouth. A total waste of time. You just bum people out. I hope you can get through the program quickly. That way we’ll be able to resume our morning chats on our way in to work. It’d be nice hearing something up beat for a change.  See ya!”

“NOOOooooooo!”

“Good Luck!”

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Sunset 2 - compressed.

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