Tag Archives: My Ignored Hamper and other Bathroom Poetry

My Insanity Keeps Me Sane – A Flash Fiction

7 Mar

I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.

Day in and day out, it’s all the same. Except it’s not.

Everything is different while it stays the same.

I don’t know how to describe it.

Details change from day to day. Lunch is tuna instead of peanut butter. The cat threw up today instead of the dog having diarrhea yesterday.

The same dishes are dirty. The same socks didn’t quite make it into the hamper. The dryer still doesn’t shut off by itself.

I need a vacation. Of course we can’t afford one. Never could. Probably never will.

Except…

I have these ideas, these stories, in my head. These thoughts that aren’t completely mine.

Hear me out before you call the funny farm.

I have people living entire lives inside my mind. It’s not like they control anything about my life. But in some ways, it’s like they keep me… sane.

Because I have these other lives, stories, playing out in my imagination I can get through the monotony of my existence. While I’m folding laundry, I’m deciding whether they live in the city or the country, what state, what kind of house. When it’s time to scrub the tile grout, I’m weighing how much chocolate cheesecake the leading lady should consume before coming to the conclusion that her father-in-law has to die. In my imagination I turn my every day life into a wonderful cacophony of tears and drama, fear and loathing, triumph and success. The leading lady always wins.

And who knows. Maybe one day I’ll write all this crazy down and make a million dollars.

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Yeah, right. Like anyone would want to read it.

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I love writing those.

Here’s a fun video I found that vaguely corresponds to the theme of my story.  😉

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Have you noticed yet? Did ya, did ya?

I have a new page on this website. Made it yesterday afternoon.

Up there, on the far right…

Maybe I’ll make it easy on you and just stick a link right here.

But before you click it, I want to tell you about it!

It’s all about my new, first, and only finished (at this point) book!

My Ignored Hamper and other Bathroom Poetry

Yay!

I’m not going to beg you to buy it.

Much.  (lol)

Go ahead. You know you’re curious what the new page looks like. Take a peek.

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Just remember to come back tomorrow for more poetry.

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Have a Great Weekend!

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My Book is Live and I Think I’m Gonna Hypervenilate

5 Mar

Welcome to the official kick-off for my book launch!

(Seriously, does anyone have a paper bag I could breathe into?)

My first book, My Ignored Hamper and Other Bathroom Poetry, is now available on both Smashwords and Amazon Kindle at the price of $1.49.

My Ignored Hamper - Cover Photo - shrunk for social media

(Yeah, getting just a little bit dizzy here.)

But just for you I have a coupon for Smashwords. Here’s the code:  GS49E  Smashwords says the code isn’t case sensitive, so don’t stress over the shift key.

This is where the normal authors usually put an excerpt, and who am I to buck the trend?

Enjoy!  (places head between knees)

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My Ignored Hamper

The clothes they have shed?

On the floor looking dead

Ignoring the hamper

To the tub they do scamper

Their clothes in a heap

Into bubbles they leap

When they’re asleep

I’ll let my tea steep

It’ll take just a minute

To put the clothes in it

But for now I’ll enjoy

My two little boys

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Sleep-over Blues

With music up loud

‘Round the mirror they crowd

“That look is a winner”

“I wish I were thinner”

“There’s this really cute boy”

“He treats girls like they’re toys”

It’s Saturday night

They share the spotlight

In their fifth outfit

And wouldn’t you know it

The bathroom is crowded

“It’s here!” someone shouted

The pizza devoured

They’re now soda powered

Six girls in a bathroom

All trying out perfume

“Should we pop in a movie?”

“Let’s make-over Suzie!”

And so it continues

Dad’s sleep-over blues

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There you have it. My long awaited book of bathroom poetry has hit ebook shelves and eagerly awaits your eyes. You are more than welcome (encouraged even) to tell me your thoughts. (Please just remember to coat them in a little sugar first, huh?)

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Fellow Authors, what was it like for you the first time you published something?

Also, what did you do to celebrate?

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(I think it’s time for a lie down. Just too excited for my own good.  ;D  )

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MMM… Blue Man Group

3 Mar

Hello, Everybody!

First off I would like to tell you that I will have an announcement about my book My Ignored Hamper and other Bathroom Poetry in a day or two. Most likely Tuesday.  So, stay tuned.  🙂

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And now it’s time for Mirth and Music Monday.

Today I have the Blue Man Group doing what they do best.

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Want more Mirth and Music Monday? Try going over to ReGi McClain’s blog. She has another video waiting for you over there!

If you would like to play along with us go ahead and click the top blue silly face on the top right side of ReGi’s Blog and you can click a button that will let you input some simple info and voila! you are a member of Mirth and Music Monday. Congratulations!

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I hope you all have a great week!

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(Don’t forget to check back to see what I’m doing with the book!  😀  )

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Second Hand Size Tens – A Flash Fiction

17 Jan

“Manda? Why are you handing me size ten Levi’s?”

“You said you lost ‘about’ ten pounds, right? Maybe less, maybe more. Just give them a try.”

“Okay, but don’t be surprised if you hear sobbing coming from the fitting room.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. I’ll keep trying to find a couple more pairs of jeans that aren’t straight from the ’70’s.”

“Thanks.”

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“Vanessa? Are you still alive? I found a cute pair of twelves.”

“You have got to see this. Just let me get the door.

… Look! Look! They fit! See? Look at my butt!”

“I could see it better if you weren’t jumping up and down.”

“Look!”

“I see. They look awesome on you! I guess we won’t need these twelves, then, huh?”

“I’m a size ten! I’m so happy I don’t know if I should laugh or cry.”

“Neither. We’re going to celebrate. How do grilled chicken salads at Chico’s sound?”

“Ooh, Chico’s.”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds like a party.”

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6PhX0tHmfU

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I love writing these. It’s just so much fun sitting down with no idea what I’m going to write, besides a general idea behind the collection I’m working toward creating. This one, as well as last Friday’s flash fiction are going to be in a book of stories and poetry I’m slowly working on.

The plan is to release this book a few months after I get My Ignored Hamper and other Bathroom Poetry launched. Guess that means I’d better get to real work on both of those projects, huh?  😉 

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On that same note, if you are interested in helping me launch

my little book of poetry, please (please, please) contact me.

I’m hoping to have a launch date in the middle of February.

You can get hold of me here in the comments,

on Twitter @Rose_DAndrea,

or on Facebook at Rose’s Road To Riches

Thanks!  🙂

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This Book Is All Mixed Up In My Head

18 Dec

It’s so confusing.Title  I Killed Them Mama in yellow on purple - cropped

The story in I Killed Them, Mama makes a scary kind of sense when I look over the bullet points. It’s all there (except to figure out where exactly the new love interest makes his appearance [the first time] in the book). Now I just have to write it. *sigh*  Yeah,… right.

Like that’s so easy.

I have pretty much decided that I’m going to have to skip the first chapter. There are too many thoughts about how this should go. They are fogging up my mind and keeping me from moving forward. So, that will be left for a much later date.

I really hope this whole novel writing thing gets easier after the first or second book. If not, I’m kinda doomed.

It’s not as though I don’t absolutely love to write. What’s getting me is the amount of time and thought that’s already gone into it. My ever fertile imagination has already figured out most of the next book. If I did a little searching I would probably find that I have a third lurking on a back burner of my subconscious.

I just want this one to be done, so the other(s) can get done, too.

What I really want is for all of you to read them and tell me what you think. I want hundreds, thousands of people to enjoy some coffee, a cookie, and another chapter of my novel. To know that I provided several hours of absorbing entertainment.

The knowledge that eventually others will get to experience the thrills, what-ifs and uh-ohs that this character goes through… That is what keeps me from just hitting delete on the whole project.

Let’s just hope I can get this thing written before I’m old enough to order from the senior menu.

Dear Mama photoshop #2 - cropped

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As a side note on another project:

I have created a cover for My Ignored Hamper and other bathroom poetry.

Yay!

I really like it. Yeah, it’s not the most amazing cover on the planet, but it’s what I envisioned for this stage in it’s life.

Getting it up on Smashwords will not take much more now. I just want to give the formatting another check over before uploading.

You want to know something else?

I’ve decided this book of poetry will be free on Smashwords until I get it uploaded on Amazon!

My reasons? 

First off, I have never gone through this process before. So the formatting may have to be twitched with over a few days to make it come out right. I just wouldn’t feel right about asking someone to pay for something that’s potentially that far out of whack.

Secondly, I would like to request than anyone who is even remotely curious please (after it’s up) read and review it. The only beta readers this thing saw were relatives. I would like some truthful responses. Although, a spoon full of sugar to help soften any blows would be greatly appreciated.  🙂 

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Alright. Now back to re-reading the Smashwords Style Guide.  So exciting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWbbjvYmN8A

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My Ignored Hamper – a Poem

16 Nov

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This was the first of my poems to be put on my blog. It’s been a while, and I now have more of a following. A following which most likely has not cruised back quite that far in my blog post list.

So here it is again. 

(mostly because I really like it.  …Aaand because I’m being lazy tonight.)

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My Ignored Hamper

The clothes they have shed?From the September 27th photo shoot Sample 2

On the floor looking dead

Ignoring the hamper

To the tub they do scamper

Their clothes in a heap

Into bubbles they leap

When they’re asleep

I’ll let my tea steep

It’ll take just a minute

To put the clothes in it

But for now I’ll enjoy

My two little boys

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Yeah, it still makes me smile. 😀

What was your reaction?

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Video

I May Ask My Husband To Hide My Phone

9 Nov

Here it is more than a week into NaNoWriMo and I have yet to put down a single word.

(Yes. You read that correctly.)

This is one of the reasons why I am seriously thinking of becoming a world class hermit for a few days. I just have to find a time in my schedule when I have three days in a row when no one expects anything of me.

Actually, now that I am really thinking about it, this Sunday, Monday and Tuesday could work.

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Huh. I think I’m going to have Lonnie take my phone away from me for those days and I will concentrate on only two things:

  1. Getting a great start on my NaNoWriMo novel
  2. Putting the last few things together so I can publish My Ignored Hamper and other Bathroom Poetry

I have told far too many people that it will be out by the end of this month for it to not happen. (grrr Why do I have to talk to people?)

This is happening people! If you see me hanging out on Twitter this Sunday, Monday or Tuesday please yell at me. I’m serious here. Yell at me and tell me to get these things finished. Remind me that these are important to my life’s goals and if I don’t get them finished I will always regret it. Tell me that the last thing I want is to be lying in my nursing home bed thinking of all the cool things I could have done with my life if only I had actually pursued that whole author thing.

You have my permission.

Do it.    😉

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I want to be like this chick!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khkOmZG36Rk

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As of the end of this video she has finished 7 NaNo novels. Seven. That’s crazy!

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Sooo…how are you doing with NaNoWriMo?

or — Do you have goals that you are shuffling your feet about completing?

and — Why do I really want chocolate ice cream right now?

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P.S. I will of course schedule things like #MondayBlogs and #MirthMusicMon posts to come out automatically. Can’t shirk my plans for total Twitter domination.  😉 

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Hopefully I Managed To Take My Cover Photo Today

27 Sep

I have been planning to get over to my parents’ house to take some photos in their second bathroom for my poetry collection My Ignored Hamper and other Bathroom Poetry. Lonnie and I got there yesterday and figured out what I was going to need, where we could find it, and because our well pump is still being fixed, I took a shower.

Today I got back over there with a bag of clothes from my youngest sister, a couple toys from my husband’s tool shed, and a can-do attitude.

The first step was to set the scene. That wasn’t hard. I found one of their hampers, a couple dirty towels, by chance coming across a brilliant pair of yellow ducky pajama pants, then took some time artfully making the little scene look artless.

I must have take over two dozen photos, and I am happy with most of them. I have yet to really scrutinize them, but from what I have seen in my two reviews, this could end up being a tough choice. That’s a good thing, I suppose. To be honest, I was hoping that one of them would just leap off the screen and scream “I’m the perfect one! Use me!!!” Nope.

This means I will have to go through them all, eliminating the ones that are not exactly perfect in the hopes of whittling down my candidates. It most likely won’t happen in the next couple of days, though. My weekend seems to have filled up. (When did I get a social life?)

Anyway, I thought you guys would like a sample of my photography session.

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From the September 27th photo shoot Sample 1.

From the September 27th photo shoot Sample 2.

From the September 27th photo shoot Sample 3.

Ahhh. They exist now. It’s a nice feeling.

One step closer to actually publishing my little book of poems. 🙂

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What do you think?

Do you have a favorite photo, or angle?

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Today, I Got Yelled At About My Writing (and it wasn’t a bad thing)

26 Sep

My sister just younger than me called this afternoon. She was in the process of making a double batch of double chocolate cookies (that’s just how our family does things), and wanted to talk about one of the projects we are working on. After the first half of the cookies went into the oven she read her latest short story to me. I loved it.

But before that, we had a short, but noisy discussion about my novel-in-the-making, I Killed Them, Mama. Boy, was she loud.

Title  I Killed Them Mama in yellow on purple - cropped

You see, I have this terrible habit of getting a good way into writing a novel, then dropping it for something newer and shinier. That is, in a way, what happened with me and I Killed Them, Mama. The going got tough, and the tough got distractable.

After a few weeks of trying not to think about that partial draft just sitting alone, in the dark, in a computer file, my brain started to work on it again. It started to mull over the plot I have laid out. Somehow in the process I became convinced that i needed to rearrange a couple of the larger happenings to make it move smoother. This did not endear me further to this beautiful, exciting piece of hard work. I began just playing with the what-ifs of the book, instead of actually getting down and writing any of it.

Not good.

Back to the phone conversation with my sister. After discussing a good many other things, we eventually landed on the subject of this novel I’m supposed to by working on. I told her the changes I was thinking of making.

Do you know what she said to me?

“The plot works the way you have it laid out. Stick with your original plan and get the dratted thing written!”

I love my sister.

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On a similar note, I have discovered that Write or Die has a web version. This may be used in the near future to see if it will spur some more 2,000 word days. It’s worth a try, right?

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Also, my cover photo for My Ignored Hamper and other Bathroom Poetry did not get taken today. In my defense, I have obtained shirts and pants from my youngest sister to use as props, and I’ve gotten a better idea of what all I will have to move around in the bathroom to make this work. Hopefully.

Dang it! I forgot to borrow some bath toys.

Oh, well. Tomorrow.

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Besides that, I wrote a mutant story yesterday. I’ve laid the groundwork for another one, and in planning this second story I stumbled across an idea for a third. This anthology of mutant short stories and flash fiction may get put together a little faster than we had originally thought. *sigh* Maybe.

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How often do you have trouble sticking through the middle part of a long project?

What tactics do you use to help keep you focused?

And / Or

Who do you use as a sounding board?

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I Think Something Is Conspiring Against Me Publishing

24 Sep

The last time I thought I was ready to publish I caught a flu that kept me in bed for ten days, and in the house for almost three weeks.

This time, I have chosen the photo I want for my cover (way better than last time, though, so that’s a plus), and have taken a couple steps toward getting it taken and uploaded to Amazon’s cover creator.

Guess what happened this time?

The pump for our well died.

Yup, we currently have no running water… and I’m a slightly OCD germaphobe.

Let that sink in for a minute.

(We are taking steps to fix it, but it’s like a conspiracy to have to visit every dang hardware store in the region buying one or two things from each. grrr)

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The good thing is that the place I have found the perfect bathroom is actually at my parent’s house. So I may kill two birds with one stone and go take a shower, rearrange their bathroom to take my photos, then clean up after myself.

Ta-da!

Talk about looking on the bright side. (it’s taking some work, so don’t squash it)

I named the book My Ignored Hamper and other Bathroom Poetry after doing a little research about Google searches (brain melting), and also after one of my favorite poems in this collection. So along with my parent’s bathroom, I will be borrowing some little boy clothes and bath toys from a relative and making the room look like a couple little kids just got done taking a bath.

Hence the having to clean up after myself. lol

In many ways I think it’s good that I have not published yet. It has taken a long time for me to feel that I kind of have my feet under me (hey, I said kind of) with this author/publisher/advertiser/business owner thing. There is still tons of stuff still to learn, but to a reasonable extent, I think I am ready to have a book out there.

Now it’s just the technicalities of figuring out those last hurdles — putting links in the back matter, and then actually uploading. *Gulp*

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On another note, I am thinking of cutting my blogging days to three or four days a week. I’m still hashing out which days I would want to publish what, so it’s not like I’m changing anything now. This is just a heads up.

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On a third note:

You guys have been great. Seriously. This path toward authorship is a tough one, and you have all taken turns to cheer me up and cheer me on. And I just wanted to take a moment to say Thank You for that. It means a lot to me.  🙂

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A cool photo editing accident from way back.

A cool photo editing accident from way back.