Tag Archives: Writing

It’s Dead Now – A Poem

1 Feb

I can feel those eyes following me.

All those legs and all those feet

Waiting for me to take a seat

So he can drop on me.

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So I pick up a shoe that belongs to you

And hand it over, my hero of many feats.

“Won’t you kill that monstrous beast?

Please, please? I’ll make it up to you.”

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I cringe and turn away as you smash it.

I can hear it crunch into the ceiling,

And hope it’s not feeling

The fate we chose for it.

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“It’s dead now.” You announce to me.

Still hiding my face, I hear you walk away,

But I still have a prize to pay.

I follow you, so you can take it from me.

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*            *            *

And I know it’s totally unrelated, but…

my husband introduced me to this group shortly after we met, and they kind of stuck.

This is my favorite.  🙂 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UUYjd2rjsE

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Dressing Room Diva – A Flash Fiction

24 Jan

“I can’t look.”

“Why not? It’s fabulous!”

“I can’t.”

“Stop covering your eyes and look in the darn mirror already.”

“Okay…  What the…!  How did that happen?”

“I told you.”

“Look at me! I’m hot!”

“See what the right clothes can do? Do you want to try on the next outfit we found?”

“No, I want to run around the store screaming ‘Look at me!’ Help me out of this jacket. If I look this good in California casual I want to see what that little red dress does.”

*            *            *

The next time I have a little spending money I fully plan on marching myself down to one of the local second hand stores and taking another look at their business wear. It was very tempting to try on those couple pairs of pinstriped slacks, but I knew that if they fit there would be a war between a sturdy, good looking, wear almost anywhere pair of jeans and a pair of black and grey slacks that would have limited wearing opportunities (can’t exactly help instal a bathroom sink in pretty black slacks).

Let’s just put it this way. I needed a new pair of jeans. I want a closet full of make-my-butt-look-awesome business wear. Soon enough there will be a call (and budget) for slacks and business jackets, but not right at the moment. As in most things in life: priorities.

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Now I’m really missing that show What Not To Wear.

I wonder if it’s on Hulu?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arFw0ocHHiU

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Second Hand Size Tens – A Flash Fiction

17 Jan

“Manda? Why are you handing me size ten Levi’s?”

“You said you lost ‘about’ ten pounds, right? Maybe less, maybe more. Just give them a try.”

“Okay, but don’t be surprised if you hear sobbing coming from the fitting room.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. I’ll keep trying to find a couple more pairs of jeans that aren’t straight from the ’70’s.”

“Thanks.”

* * *

“Vanessa? Are you still alive? I found a cute pair of twelves.”

“You have got to see this. Just let me get the door.

… Look! Look! They fit! See? Look at my butt!”

“I could see it better if you weren’t jumping up and down.”

“Look!”

“I see. They look awesome on you! I guess we won’t need these twelves, then, huh?”

“I’m a size ten! I’m so happy I don’t know if I should laugh or cry.”

“Neither. We’re going to celebrate. How do grilled chicken salads at Chico’s sound?”

“Ooh, Chico’s.”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds like a party.”

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6PhX0tHmfU

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*            *            *

I love writing these. It’s just so much fun sitting down with no idea what I’m going to write, besides a general idea behind the collection I’m working toward creating. This one, as well as last Friday’s flash fiction are going to be in a book of stories and poetry I’m slowly working on.

The plan is to release this book a few months after I get My Ignored Hamper and other Bathroom Poetry launched. Guess that means I’d better get to real work on both of those projects, huh?  😉 

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On that same note, if you are interested in helping me launch

my little book of poetry, please (please, please) contact me.

I’m hoping to have a launch date in the middle of February.

You can get hold of me here in the comments,

on Twitter @Rose_DAndrea,

or on Facebook at Rose’s Road To Riches

Thanks!  🙂

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Computers: A Love-Hate Relationship – A Poem

11 Jan

Hmmm, according to my schedule, Saturday is my day for poetry.

So that means I have to come up with something.

Thinking…thinking…

Got it!

*        *        *

I love computers.

I hate computers.

They make my life easier

And harder at the same time.

Info in a hurry?

Bing or Google are a lifeline.

Want to get some work done?

Nope, defrag time.

The more they’re needed

The more they go.

Need it done in a hurry?

Yeah, that’s a big fat no.

Scans, tests and system checks

Take twice the time you expect.

When all you want to do is play

The darn thing works great all day.

Therefore:

I love computers.

I hate computers.

*        *        *

Not pretty, but there you have it. A poem. A raw one at that. Only touched the backspace for misspellings. I would usually spend about an hour pouring over every detail and making everything all nice and pretty. Tonight, however, I thought you wouldn’t mind seeing behind the curtain a little.

Any thoughts?

What would you change?

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Heehee, look what I found.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAGHJIi4n7Q

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Cheat Day Life Guards – A Flash Fiction

10 Jan

“I want a chocolate milkshake so bad it almost hurts.”

“Try not to think about it, Gwen. Concentrate on the walk.”

“It’s not thinking, it’s craving. Dreaming.”

“You’re doing great on your diet. The weight is starting to come off. You’ll be at your ideal weight in no time.”

“Let’s be realistic, Carol, it’s going to take months. This initial weight loss is wonderful and all, but it’s going to taper off here soon. That’s when the real work comes in.”

“Don’t think about it.”

“Yeah, concentrate on the now. Feel the burn.”

“Exactly.”

“I’d rather feel my fingers getting frost bite on one of those giant oblong bowls they put banana splits in.”

“You’re killing me, Gwen. I’m even off bananas.”

“No bananas? Where do you get your potassium?”

“Kiwi. Lower on the glycemic index.”

“Huh. So one of those frozen peanut butter, banana mochas from Jolts is very much out of the question.”

“I would just about kill my dietitian for one of those.”

“Is that who put you on kiwi?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Cruel and unusual, Carol. Cruel and unusual.”

“Feels that way, but my pants are starting to fit better, so I’m kinda, almost okay with it. Almost.”

“Do you get a cheat day?”

“Not for another two weeks. She says it’s best to go cold turkey, then introduce small treats after I’ve seen the first few results. Something about not wanting to over-indulge and screw it up.”

“Two weeks. Are you going to have a maximum calorie ceiling, or just follow your mouth?”

“Uh, I think she just said something like…’Let your stomach and your conscience both talk about it before you indulge.'”

“Seriously?”

“Yup. Could we slow down a little? I think I’m gonna hurl.”

“Please don’t. I’m kind of a sympathetic vomiter.”

“I’ll be alright in a minute. I just need to let my heart rate slow down a little. Is it trying to rain?”

“It would seem that way.”

“Crap.”

“Sooo, in two weeks, you wanna share a banana split with me?”

“I think there was bird poop on that guard rail. Is it on my butt now?”

“Hold still. Uh, no. You’re fine.”

“Phew. That would have been gross. What about a banana split?”

“Do you want to split one with me in two weeks?”

“You mean like a cheat day support group kinda thing?”

“Sure, if that’s what you want to call it.”

“Well, sharing it would be a lot better than us buying quarts of double fudge brownie ice cream and eating them in the closet.”

“If that’s how you sell it to your dietitian then go for it.”

“We share the dessert, and we can be like cheat day life guards for each other.”

“Yup.”

“That’s a great idea! So, like, the first Saturday of next month will be my first cheat day. Are you available that evening?”

“If ice cream and chocolate are involved I’m always available.”

“Then it’s a cheat day date.”

“Great!”

“We’d better finish this walk before it really starts raining on us.”

“Yeah, there’s nothing worse than being cold, sugar deprived, and soaked.”

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQQvanCpC3Q

Too funny not to use for a second time on here.  😀 

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This Book Is All Mixed Up In My Head

18 Dec

It’s so confusing.Title  I Killed Them Mama in yellow on purple - cropped

The story in I Killed Them, Mama makes a scary kind of sense when I look over the bullet points. It’s all there (except to figure out where exactly the new love interest makes his appearance [the first time] in the book). Now I just have to write it. *sigh*  Yeah,… right.

Like that’s so easy.

I have pretty much decided that I’m going to have to skip the first chapter. There are too many thoughts about how this should go. They are fogging up my mind and keeping me from moving forward. So, that will be left for a much later date.

I really hope this whole novel writing thing gets easier after the first or second book. If not, I’m kinda doomed.

It’s not as though I don’t absolutely love to write. What’s getting me is the amount of time and thought that’s already gone into it. My ever fertile imagination has already figured out most of the next book. If I did a little searching I would probably find that I have a third lurking on a back burner of my subconscious.

I just want this one to be done, so the other(s) can get done, too.

What I really want is for all of you to read them and tell me what you think. I want hundreds, thousands of people to enjoy some coffee, a cookie, and another chapter of my novel. To know that I provided several hours of absorbing entertainment.

The knowledge that eventually others will get to experience the thrills, what-ifs and uh-ohs that this character goes through… That is what keeps me from just hitting delete on the whole project.

Let’s just hope I can get this thing written before I’m old enough to order from the senior menu.

Dear Mama photoshop #2 - cropped

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As a side note on another project:

I have created a cover for My Ignored Hamper and other bathroom poetry.

Yay!

I really like it. Yeah, it’s not the most amazing cover on the planet, but it’s what I envisioned for this stage in it’s life.

Getting it up on Smashwords will not take much more now. I just want to give the formatting another check over before uploading.

You want to know something else?

I’ve decided this book of poetry will be free on Smashwords until I get it uploaded on Amazon!

My reasons? 

First off, I have never gone through this process before. So the formatting may have to be twitched with over a few days to make it come out right. I just wouldn’t feel right about asking someone to pay for something that’s potentially that far out of whack.

Secondly, I would like to request than anyone who is even remotely curious please (after it’s up) read and review it. The only beta readers this thing saw were relatives. I would like some truthful responses. Although, a spoon full of sugar to help soften any blows would be greatly appreciated.  🙂 

*            *            *

Alright. Now back to re-reading the Smashwords Style Guide.  So exciting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWbbjvYmN8A

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There’s A Special Island For You – Flash Fiction

14 Dec

“Hey, Mike. How’s the world been treatin’ you this week?”

“It’s been alright. It would be better if my neck would quit seizing up on me.”

“That’s still bothering you? Didn’t the chiropractor say it was tension from sleeping wrong? He even gave you that pillow full of…”

“Well, it worked for a while, but it came back a couple days ago. The pain has kind of migrated a little further down my back, though. You wouldn’t believe how…”

“Yes, I have had some serious pains in the neck in my life. Careful, the signal says ‘Don’t Walk’. How about this beautiful weather we’ve been having. It’s just glorious. I took the family for a picnic over the weekend. Brought the dogs along. The kids loved pitching those balls as far as they could throw them. It’s surprising how long it takes to wear down those terriers. Did you do anything fun this weekend?”

“No. The wife had a honey-do-list as long as my leg. Didn’t even get half of it done. *sigh* Then she drug me out to see the latest Ridger flick.”

“That’s a great movie.”

“It would have been great, except for the teenagers three rows behind us. Kept talking and giggling. I couldn’t concentrate.”

“You have to admit, there’s never that much plot in a Ridger movie. Mostly guns, bad guys, bombs, then him walking out of the rubble with the latest hottie.  Wow, this light is sure taking it’s time.”

“It’s rigged. Did you see that thing in the news that they’ve bombed another…”

“Yeah. Awful. Glad they got the guy this time. Oh, I forgot to tell you, I got the notice about my promotion a few days ago! Move into the new office next Monday.”

“Really. That figures.”

“What figures? I worked my butt off for this position.”

“Yeah. Years. Now they see things not going quite right and want to stick you in to be the fall guy. It’s just a shame that you were there to step into their plans.”

“Ookay. Not quite the way I see it, but…”

“You will soon enough.”

“Yeah, just a sec, I need to make a quick call.”

“Take your time. I’m just standing here waiting to cross the street; aging with every breath.”

“Uh-huh. …  Hey, Bruce, I found another one. … Yeah, persistent. … On the corner of Brooks and Main. … Thanks.”

“What was that about?”

“Nothing much. Just a hotline for when I get into this sort of situation.”

“They have a hotline for slow traffic lights? What’s the number?”

“Eh, not exactly. You see, there’s this company that’s running a series of studies on… Oh, here they come.”

“Wow, prompt.”

“Yup.”

“I could do without all the sirens, and the screeching tires.”

“I love them. You can’t miss ’em. … Hi!”

“Were you the gentleman who called about the ‘situation’?”

“I sure am. Right here.”

“Bill, why are you pointing at me?”

“You’re the situation.”

“How can I be ‘the situation’, I’m a person, I…”

“Sir, have you been engaged in a long boring conversation in which you actively attempted to make the other person as miserable as yourself?”

“Whaaa? I don’t see how stating…”

“Have you or have you not had repeated, depressing conversations with anyone who would listen?”

“Now wait just a cotton pickin’ min…”

“And finally, sir, when is the last time something good happened in your life?”

“Huh?”

“We need your answer now, sir.”

“It’s kind of hard to talk with people in blast shields and body armor who just poured out of a black van. You do realize that your front right tire is on the curb, right?”

“I see. Then your answer is that you can’t remember at the moment?”

“How can that be taken as…?”

“Thank you for notifying us, Bill. We’ll take it from here.”

“Not a problem, Ma’am.  So long, Mike. You’re going to love it there.”

“Hey! Put me down! NO! You CAN’T do this!”

“You see, they can, Mike. There’s a special island for people like you. A place where they quarantine infectious gloom. You don’t have actual depression, you’re more of a carrier. I’ve tried for years to get a positive word to come out of your mouth. A total waste of time. You just bum people out. I hope you can get through the program quickly. That way we’ll be able to resume our morning chats on our way in to work. It’d be nice hearing something up beat for a change.  See ya!”

“NOOOooooooo!”

“Good Luck!”

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Sunset 2 - compressed.

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Video

It’s Official. I’m Brain Dead.

12 Dec

Alright, not technically, but close enough.

Although I have been able to do more reading, this darn cold has started to head for my lungs.

Not cool.

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So, today was spent keeping the fire going, periodically running water in the kitchen to keep the pipes free, and keeping enough liquids in me.

Basically today was spent, eh, keeping.

Huh.

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I did finish reading the first book of this interesting series. Although they insisted I go back and read this first one so that I would have a better understanding of the character, my thoughts on him have not changed. Very little of the first book came as a surprise (personality wise, that is.).  Problem is that now I have to wait while the third book in the series is hunted down from somewhere in the house. That could be a while. We have books stashed everywhere.

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Oh, I have decided that I am going to start participating in something called WIPpet Wednesdays. I will have to double check on the weekly requirements, but this could be good for my writing, and you all would be able to see weekly snippets of what I’m working on.  🙂 

I will not be playing along this next Wednesday, but the one after. This next week is going to be full of me sticking close to my bed trying to kick this cold and cough ASAP.

Hopefully my husband can get a set of blow bottles made up soon so that I can work through this cough a little faster. (No, they’re nothing gross. They’re simply something that help increase lung capacity by blowing hard enough in a tube to make water go from one bottle to the other, then back again. They make my coughs a lot shorter.) That would be really nice, because I am not going to go see Jay again (for our weekly reading time) until I know for sure that I won’t hand this icky-ness off to him!

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And just because I really like the song, here’s I Won’t Say I’m In Love, from Disney’s Hercules.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLvK5nKbo6w

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Aaand, is it just me, or does Cranberry juice ‘sweetened with other natural fruit juices’ taste like a sickly sweet syrup?  Ick.

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Conspiracy Theory

3 Dec

James and I seem to be suffering from similar (albeit far from identical) troubles. The world at times demands your undivided attention, and will not allow you to get back to your writing until certain things are off your mind, to do list, or schedule. But don’t take my word for it, you read it and decided if you think it’s funny, too. 😀

James L'Etoile

Pssst…

Come here…

There is a conspiracy out there, I tell ya.  A cabal of ruthless, black-minded villains put in overtime this week to keep me from writing.  They’re cagey, these evil-doers.  At every turn, they construct a barrier, obstacle, or canyon, so deep and wide that I have no choice, but to retreat and do their bidding.

I know it is a conspiracy because only an organized effort could appear so innocent.  The forces behind this dark movement keep themselves hidden in the shadows, making it seem like everything that’s happening is a big coincidence.  I don’t believe in coincidence, chance, or dumb luck.  Let me list off a few of their dark deeds and you be the judge…

I finish a rewrite of a new novel and before I can dive in again for another editing pass, I find myself two days deep into installing new hardwood floors…

View original post 349 more words

Video

It’s Going Great! – A Flash Fiction

27 Nov

“Let me hear it.”

“Hear what?”

“The whining and complaining about your current project.”

“No whining… And I can’t think of any complaints.”

“Uh-huh.”

Really. Everything is working quite well. My main character is playing nicely with the rest of the cast. The central plot hasn’t bullied any of the littler sub-plots. And the plot holes are healing nicely from last week’s surgery.”

“You mean we’re going to get through lunch without the usual sob-fest?”

“Yeeesss.”

“Huh.”

“Why is that so hard for you to believe?”

“Because it’s never happened.”

“Well there’s a first time for everything. The only thing I have to add about this book is that it’s going great. Now pass me the dessert menu, I need some chocolate cake.

…And maybe some pie.

…And I hear they’ve got a wide variety of stuff to put into milkshakes.”

“Going great, huh?”

“Shut up.”

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRbBegjoLU8

One of my favorite movies.  😀 

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